Let me help you
by Iammooselocked
Summary: AU Dean faces yet another tragedy and Cas feels hopeless. First ever fic. Don't hate too hard. Please.


"Hey Cas, sweetie how are you holding up?" Ellen asked.

"Oh I'm good Ellen, mostly worried about him." Cas said as he looked across the Roadhouse at Dean.

"Well baby he just buried his daddy, there's no real way to know how he's doing. I was there when they buried Mary and the boy took it pretty hard. Just give him some time, he'll come around."

"Yea I know. It's killing me to not be able to help him."

"I know you love him baby but he's a stubborn one. He'll be fine." Ellen wrapped her arms around Cas and pulled him in for a hug.

"You know I don't do this family stuff. John was kind of my dad too. Do you think he hates me because I was with john when he-"

"Baby, I don't think Dean could ever hate you." She smiled. "He's just hurting real bad right now. You couldn't have done anything to stop John from having a heart attack. All those years of drinking his pain away, I don't think anyone could have helped him. Bobby and I tried talking to him for years. You know if anyone was more stubborn than Dean over there, it was his daddy."

"He's just not Dean anymore, well, not my Dean anyway."

"I know. Why don't you go over and see if he wants to grab something to eat, it's about time he took a break anyway."

Cas smiled at Ellen as he turned to walk away.

"Hey, how you doing?" Dean gave Cas a placating smile.

"I'm good, how you holding up?"

"I'm fine. What are you up to?"

"Remember this morning I told you that I was going to come by and see you."

"Oh yea, I do." Dean said with wistfulness in his eyes.

"Ellen said you might be ready for your break. You want to go get some lunch with me?"

Dean looked over at Ellen and shot her a look to stay out of his business.

"I got a lot of work to do here Cas, I don't really have the time."

"You sure? I would really enjoy the company." Cas looked at dean hopeful.

"Fine," Dean gave in, "I'll go with you."

Cas immediately smiled and waited for Dean to come from around the bar before attempting to slide his hand into the other mans. Dean quickly dropped it and stuck his hands in his pockets to fish out his keys. Cas looked at Dean sorrowful and jammed his hands in his pockets.

"So do you want to go home and I can make us lunch or do you want something different?" Cas asked as they started to drive down the road.

"Look Cas I know what you're trying to do and it's not going to work ok. Just leave me alone and take your pity parade to Sam, he'll appreciate it."

Cas sat back in his seat and stared forward. Tears welled up in his eyes as he began to speak.

"Stop the car Dean."

"What?"

"Dean! I said stop the car."

Dean pulled the car over to the side of the road. Cas was already opening the door to climb out before it came to a full stop

"Cas? What the hell are you doing man?" Dean yelled from inside the car.

Cas slammed the impala door and started walking toward their house.

Dean rolled down the window and continued to yell at Cas.

"Cas get back in this car! What are you doing? Seriously man? You can't be serious!"

Finally Dean drove off leaving Cas walking silently down the road, tears covering his face. When Cas walked up to the house and saw deans car in the driveway all he wanted to do was keep walking. There was no way for him to know how Dean was feeling. He'd never gone through loss like this before. He was trying to be supportive but Dean wasn't the easiest man to talk to sometimes. He trudged up to the door and let himself in.

"Enjoy your walk?" Dean asked not looking up at the other man.

Cas continued his silence trekking up the stairs.

"Wow, silent treatment Cas, really? Let's act like we're 4 again why don't we." Dean snapped from the bottom of the stairs.

Cas got to their bedroom and slammed the door behind him. He sat on the edge of their bed and let his tears loose.

"What am I supposed to do" he said quietly to himself. "I'm so lost."

Cas continued to quietly pray.

"I need help. How am I supposed to be ok with this?"

Dean sat back down on the couch and clicked on the TV and muted it. He looked down at his phone with the name Dad highlighted.

"That bastard," he said aloud.

'New message' popped up on his screen and knowing who it was from, he clicked on it anyway.

_Hey Dean, how you doing? Me and Jess were just talking about you so I thought I'd say hey. Love you, Sam._

"Yeah, whatever Sam." Dean clicked delete and put his phone down. He could hear the quiet sobs from upstairs.

Dean rose up from the couch already defeated. He slowly climbed the stairs and listened.

"Whatever or whoever is up there I hope you can hear this. I don't know what to do anymore. He won't even look at me."

Dean stood on the other side of the door and listened to Cas plea.

"I know he hates me now and I don't know how to fix it."

Dean slowly opened the door to their room and looked at Cas sitting on the edge of the bed. Cas looked up at him with red puffy eyes.

"Cas, I don't hate you. Why would you think that?"

"What else am I supposed to think Dean? You don't look at me anymore, hell you barely even talk to me anymore. All you do is yell."

Dean sighed and sat down next to Cas.

"Babe I don't hate you. I'm just, I don't know ok. I'm lost. The only family I had left out here is gone. Sam is out in California with Jess doing his thing. I mean, he came back for like a week and then just left again like it was no big deal. Does he not get it, dad's never coming back."

"Sam didn't have the same relationship you did Dean. They never agreed on anything. Honestly I really think Sam came back to make sure you were ok. And Dean, John wasn't the only family you have."

"I know, I have you. But you're different-"

"No, not just me Dean. You have Ellen and Bobby which if I recall was a better father than John most days. You have Jo, she loves you. You've spent your whole life here Dean, why would you think these people wouldn't love you? We are all just worried about you."

"I'm fine though, I mean-"

"You are not fine Dean. You are a mess. But it's ok to be that way. Babe, your dad died. Everyone understands if things don't right back the way they were. Take some time, it's ok to grieve."

Tears started to well up in dean's eyes as he looked at the other man.

"Cas, I just don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do now?"

"I don't know babe, I really don't. I do know that I am here for you and I will help you in every way I can, you just have to let me."

Dean wiped the tears from his face and looked at Cas.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh I know you are," Cas said wrapping his arms around Dean. "It's ok though, I still love you."

"I love you too Cas."


End file.
